He uses pillows to masturbate.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
