Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
