i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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