real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
