Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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