I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
