READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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