Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
