You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
