why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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