Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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