He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
