Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Alive.
So much puke
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
