I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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