im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize