She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
