If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
