I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
