Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
