First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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