I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
