The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
