So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
