I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
