oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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