he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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