i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
