There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I seem to have left my pride at pride
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
