i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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