How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
