things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
