I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
