So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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