JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize