I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
