1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
