drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
