I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
