Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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