I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
