So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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