We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
