I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
