woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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