last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
