Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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