OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
