....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
