UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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