it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were trust falling into bushes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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