What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
