Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
