And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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