Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
