just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
