my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
