"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
