Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
