you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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