I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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