it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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