On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
