apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
