The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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