no. you can't hotbox the world.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
