you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
