And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
