Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Acid is not a monday night drug
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
