i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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