so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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