some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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