Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
