but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
