You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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