He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
