i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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