I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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