Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
