I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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