So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
