I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
